Right. So.

I wasn't going to actually post about this, even though I've been following this since the night before when somebody on my flist (unnamed out of respect to them) linked me to this post on journalfen which began tracking the whole discussion/wank/i'm-not-sure-what-you'd-call-it. what began in bandom as an exchange over whether or not writers should be required to include warnings (rape, sub-con, but then quickly spiral out of control into the ridiculous as escalating arguments try to bring their examples to the extreme in an attempt to evoke the "slippery slope" argument), has now become a much larger discussion that i know -- personally - i'm not sure i'm able (or ready) to talk about in a lengthy, intelligent and not emotionally overcharged manner, but i thought that it's something worth linking for those of you that don't know about it (or DO know about it and want to follow it more), would be interested, would like to add their voice, whatever.

before you click on any of these links (or perhaps even read the rest of this entry), just know, none of this is pleasant stuff. the individuals that are being linked in these rundowns -- more often than not -- display what i believe is grossly and horrendously dismissive behavior towards individuals with PTSD, survivors of sexual abuse and assault, and those who may suffer other forms of emotional and psychological trauma. i have been made angry, upset, disgusted and saddened by the behavior displayed by some of these people and although i do see how some of their base arguments (occasionally) some times do raise interesting questions, i think more often than not.

by linking this stuff i am not saying that i believe that all writers need to immediately start warning anything and everything in their stories, which is how some individuals are misconstruing some of the arguments made against them. yes, i believe as a creative person you have the right to shape the experience the reader has with your piece however it may be -- whether that means no warning for rape so that it can be a SURPRISE! is up to you; if you want it to be a jarring and difficult experience that forces the reader to perhaps relate much more viscerally to the piece/antagonist/whatever -- you can. however, i also believe that as somebody who creates something and then places it within a community based on shared consumption that you should at least be thoughtful, deliberate and careful about how you exercise that creative power. don't just do it because you can do it. do it because it is necessary, which, i believe, more often than not -- isn't the case.

fandom is, in no way, a "safe" space -- as much as i think participating individuals would perhaps like it to be. but that does not mean it cannot strive to be or that we, as individuals within it, should automatically dismiss the thoughts and opinions of fellow members of the community who DO have the right to voice their opinion as well, even if the thoughtfulness they request may step on your creative toes. i am of the opinion that, in a lot of ways, internet culture is a culture based in selfishness (self-gratification, self-recognition, self-expression); there is a lot of back and forth in these discussions about priveledge, entitlement, and an individual's right to their work, their journal, etc and how that should not and will not be sacrificed for the sake of trying to accommodate to what is essentially 'somebody else's problem'. i know that these sorts of arguments have happened before and will happen again, that anyone here can point at the whole shitstorm and say 'the internet is not srs bsns', but to me this discussion has moved far beyond just the internet and has become much more about the ignorance that is still perpetrated on victims of violence. many of the individuals that are stepping forward with personal experience have had it thrown back in their faces as 'their' problem, forcing ownership on them of something that they themselves did not actively chose for themselves and essentially dismissing the entire concept that as a result of trauma their experience of the world around them is not just YOURS+BAGGAGE but quite possibly completely different. and that's where i get really upset and have to step away.

anyway. i'm not exactly sure what else to say. maybe i'll have more to say. or maybe i'll just have a bowl of cereal since this whole thing has got my insides kind of messed up and i think whatever last little bit of intelligent coherency i had this morning just got eaten up by this post. sorry to be a complete downer this morning, but i really couldn't stand not saying anything anymore.

anyways.  a few links.

- the original link off of my flist
- a collective overview of some of the more prominent voices in the discussion, by lcsbanana
- a list of common detailing techniques and tactics utilized in this debate, by queenofhell 
- impertinence's post on her own personal experiences with abuse, triggering and warnings.  as her her request when linking this: Warning: Very explicit discussion of sexual assault and the nature, anatomy, cause & effect of triggers. Is itself triggery.

also to those of you on my flist that i are being effected by this discussion in so many different ways, i am thinking of you and my heart goes out to you and if you need a safe space or somebody to talk to in any way shape or form, please don't hesitate to reach out.

Title: through being cool (ficmeme!prompt)
Fandom: Young Avengers (Billy/Teddy)
Rating: PG
Words: 1359
Notes: for atti and riko. written originally as a response to Billy's capetastic stroll through suburban New Jersey, it never got finished until atti prompted this on the B/T PDA ficmeme. it kind of works. apologies to devo for stealing the title.


( If there’s one thing Teddy knows about it – it’s how to be cool. Or at least, how to pretend to be cool. Turns out there’s a huge difference after the fact, but only if they catch you pretending. )

Birthdays, for me, are more about thanking those who seem to be glad that I've managed to stick around for another year than greeting cards and hoarding presents and all that.  If some of y'all were here with me in Jersey, I'd take you out to some fancy schmancy place to eat, buy you dinner, and make sure the first round of drinks are all on me.  But since I can't do that, I'm doing this instead.

Atti was beautiful, wonderful, and thoughtful enough to write me a little ficbit for my birthday.  It's wonderful (WHO HERE IS SURPRISED) and it's Teddy Altman (WHO HERE IS SURPRISED) and it's really just, well, see for yourself.  As a thank you, I wanted to write her a ficbit back, but work is crazy and I'm afraid with NYCC this weekend, it might get lost by the wayside.  So instead, I'm posting a little prompt fic that's never seen the light of day beyond riko and our little side projects; the prompt is the title -- "alone in a crowd one night" that I'm pretty sure was riko's choice and therefore, awesome. 

Hopefully, I WILL find time to write her something more PROPER.  Until then.  Atti, babe, this one's for you.  I knew from the start that YOU WERE A KEEPER. 

Title: Alone in a Crowd One Night (ficbit prompt)
Fandom: Young Avengers (Billy/Teddy)
Rating: PG
Words: 705
Notes: exists as part of the band!au universe, posted as a thank you for attilatehbun 


( they spend the first hour and a half dicking around, tuning and re-tuning their guitars for no apparent reason )

That's what it says on the page opposite this photograph in Eugene Richards' tiny retrospective collection of photographs in the Phaidon 55 book series.  And it is a doctrine that informs most of Eugene Richards work as a photojournalist.  Throughout the years, he has photographed many different topics -- drug use on the streets of Boston, the miracle of childbirth, the falling of the towers in New York, prison life -- but the common thread that runs through every one of his images is a kind of compassion, an empathy or at least the desire and willingness to understand even the most remote "other".  There is, many times, a kind of silent rejoicing of life in many of his photographs, one that exists at the same time as an overall sense of the bittersweet and.  A photograph is a fleeting image, the record of a single moment, and with Eugene Richards work, you get a sense of how tenuous and fragile and beautiful and ugly the moments that make up life can be.

Chosing this image was hard because Eugene Richards has been a huge influence on my photography, on my general attitudes towards my work in general, and is personally one of my favorite photojournalists out there (photojournalism/documentary photography being the concentration of my BA).  There are many of his photographs that I think are amazing; this, no doubt, will be the first of many, and is the first image that comes to my mind when I think of his work.  The expression of the woman's face -- almost unreadable as to whether it is one of euphoria or pain or relief, the overall gesture of the kiss as it lands in the space between her lips, the shadow his thumb casts on her cheek.  And of course, that 'fat baby', the one that gave the photograph its name -- squished inbetween its parents, literally filling the space in between the both of them -- such a tiny face with such a tiny hand, juxtaposed against the large-looming features and gesture of the parents.  Almost like a kind of visual equation, where the baby is the sum total of the parents' expressions, the product of that gesture and the emotions behind it.

Since a large portion of the images that got me to do this sort of random daily picture spam thing come from the Conde Nast Shop (and therefore from the likes of Vogue and Vanity Fair), there is a considerable smattering of fashion photography.  Fashion photography, in general, can be generally sort of bland in my opinion, though there are some fashion photographers capable of creating really interesting, beautiful, and evocative imagery.  Given the timeline of most of these photographs (from the 20-60s), a lot of them that stand out to me have a layer of odd juxtaposition or surrealism to them.

For me, this image contrasts the kind of "contrived" and "posed" feeling that comes with a lot of fashion photography with an environment that feels like anything but "sterile".  The grey haziness of the city behind them, juxtaposed with the painfully coordinated rose pink of their outfits, the random puddles of water that stand at the feet of two perfectly syncronized steps.  I also love how tall this picture is, that there is so much space and air around them, making them seem so physically small compared to the city as a whole, and yet so prominent -- anchoring the picture with their prescence.  At one glance, it almost seems like some happy accident of hip shooting, it has some of the texture of street photography and yet, at the same time, the models' pose, their outfits, work complete against that.

Okay, so I was poking around a random journal and found a link to the Conde Nast Shop, which focuses mainly on selling prints/photographs of old Vogue/Vanity Fair/Gourmet covers, as well as photos from the various publications.  And of course, I had to go poking around their photography archive, and am now wringing my hands over LOTS of various really gorgeous pictures of food and Ginger Rogers and all that.  So.  

I've decided to try and quell the desire to actually PURCHASE a print by sharing some images that I really liked with y'all.  I've tacked on "of the day" since I may start doing this regularly in the upcoming year, just because.  I know I've set myself a goal to take more photographs in the upcoming year and nothing helps kind of nudge me in the right direction more than looking at images that just sort of inspire me.  So without further ado.  Today's image:


( Helen Hayes Afraid, Edward Steichen 1928. )

My love of photography started when I was young and has always had its roots in portraiture, probably because the photographs I like to take most, and tend to enjoy looking at the most are of people.  Whether casual or posed, formal or snap-shot, I've always considered images of people to convey -- below the surface -- sometimes as much about the photographer than the 'sitter' or subject.  Their style, their rapport with the subject, etc, always seem to speak to me and it always makes me wonder about the contexts of a given photo, even one that's as 'formally posed' as this one.

I chose this image because I think it's a beautiful image, though vaguely unsettling (I think it's something about the way the light reflects in her eyes).  The shallow depth of field, the fact that parts of her face seem slightly out of focus and yet the lace cuffs of her shirt are sharp.  I also think it's interesting that this is very clearly an image of a woman acting (it's part of a series where she goes through some emotional paces), and yet it was something about her haunted expression that made me stop on the image, consider it, and then realize after the fact that she's an actress acting.  Her body language, her fingers pressed against her mouth -- there are a dozen tiny small things that my eyes catch on in what is a very simple photograph, but to me, make it worth a longer glance.

This year I participated in Yuletide for the sake of spreading a little holiday cheer all up in this house. I volunteered to write a bunch of fandoms -- Young Avengers, Lucifer, Brick, Band of Brothers, American Gods, Runaways, and a few others I can't remember -- in the hopes of bringing a present to some random person in the hopes of making their holiday. And, who do I end up getting assigned to write for? RIKO.

Title: the Days and Nights of Martin Ulrich
Fandom: Young Avengers (Billy/Teddy)
Rating: PG (there isn't even cursing, what the hell)
Words: 7105
Notes: This is my first Young Avengers fic, so pardon the TL;DR-ness of my thank yous.
So! Many thanks and respect and e-cookies and love to my three favorite Billy-Kaplan writers this side of the 'Verse. To attilatehbun who beta-ed and offered so much sound-boarding and CAPSLOCKING to help me get it done and then polished and shiny-like, just under the wire. And to stutterbird for listening to me whine while making horrible emotes and for just being so key in helping me get some semblance of Teddy onto his feet. And (last but not least) to the gift-receiver herself, darling riko -- I owe you a thousand apologies because your surprise was probably partially ruined, just because the two of us can't shut up about anything, ever. But something tells me you'll forgive me. So.
Summary: “Of course he knows, Bill. Mr. Ulrich – that dude – he, seriously, knows everything.”


( The doorman to the Kaplan’s apartment is an older man named Mr. Ulrich, with ruddy cheeks and a bulbous nose and a smile that (somehow) always seems genuine, regardless of who’s at the door. )

Okay, so this year I decided to repeat two (three?) years ago when I tossed my hat into the ring to participate in Yuldetide.  it was -- admittedly -- kind of a rough ride, BUT NOW IT IS OVER, hurray!  I haven't gone all official and started to work my way down the list, but I was a very lucky camper and not only got a good story, but people also decided to give me EXTRA TREATS!  so instead of just one story -- I GOT THREE!  one in each of my requested fandoms, so -- ROYAL FLUSH.  if there are folks out there who are the peeps that did this:  THANK YOU SO MUCH and sorry that my feedback took a day to get posted, I've been wandering around in such an odd sleepless daze, stuffed full of duck and clementines and AWESOME that I wanted to make sure that my feedback was COHERENT when I left it.  SO.

Gloria In Exelsis Deo (maybe the highest, but not-Heaven) :: Lucifer :: Elaine Belloc, Duma, Gabriel // This is my official Yuletide present and is, in all honesty, my first actual foray into reading Lucifer fan fic.  Like I said in my comment to the writer, I'm very wary of writers not being able to get the tone and kind of grand "all creation" feel that I think is necessary a lot of the times when approaching the Lucifer universe.  Not to mention all of the complex politics, history, relation, etc involving a lot of very complicated relationships.  By my Yuletider TOTALLY GETS IT and wrote an AMAZING God!Elaine story that is full of wonderful details, spot-on characterization, and is just wonderful through and through.  I cannot express enough just how HAPPY this story makes me.  I'm just hoping this isn't the only story my Yuletider has written cause I WANT MORE.

So Totally Busted :: Young Avengers :: Billy Kaplan/Teddy Altman // One of my little "treat" fics, this is a tiny little one-shot that is short, sweet, and just boys being boys (always wonderful), with special guest starts THE KAPLANS (oh Rebecca Kaplan, you are a mom to own all moms).

See You In the Night :: Band of Brothers :: Dick Winters/Lewis Nixon // Another little "treat" left for me by Santa's elves, this is one very long scene between Winters and Nixon that somehow manages to encapsulate all of the different aspects of their relationship -- as officers, as friends, as soldiers and lovers and comrades.  Set in late series, this delves into gloomy!Nixon and offers some answers as to why things fall apart as much as they do and what needs to be done in order to build them back up again.

Also, other random recs as I start to chip my way through the archive.

Maybe Everything Returns :: Young Avengers :: Billy Kaplan/ Teddy Altman // So technically this would fall into the category of future!fic and is a Young Avengers story told around when Billy and Teddy end up going to Brown and UCSB respectively and what happens when you end up living on the other side of the country from one another.  This is an amazingly sincere and earnest piece about what it's like to be far away from somebody you care about and its ALSO about being in college and growing up and being in LOVE and how all of those things kind of make you act really stupid or make you sad or give you something to rejoice about.  Beyond being one of the BEST renditions of Teddy Altman I have ever seen, this is just a beautifully well-written story full of the kinds of little things and really big things that make life, well, life.

East Hastings :: 28 Days Later :: oc // "I killed my mother this morning."  And that's how the story begins.  This is a really great (albeit bleak) story written in the 28 Days Later universe, told from the first person by an individual who is trying to surivive the ordeal of an infected England.  I will admit, at the getgo, that I have a really HUGE softspot for zombie apocalypses, and the writer of this story manages to nail the tone of desperation and determination that you imagine would have to be going on through the minds of somebody trying to struggle through what seems like the end of the world.

Sleep/No Sleep :: Brick :: Brendan/Brain // A short, tight piece that (surprisingly for me) slashes Brendan and Brain in a way that isn't so much about the slash as it is about Brendan and Brain's general friendship/dynamic and with slash sort of tossed in as a side bonus.  The tone, the mood, the language of this is right, the dialogue's quick and the whole thing has a kind of sparse clip to it that feels like the movie and the noir genre and just WORKS.

PS.  Have an obscure fandom that got some Yuletide love and you want to spread the holiday cheer, FEEL FREE TO REC ME something back.  Cause, well, yum.